Bill Walton Quotes:  Exaggerations... Exclamations... Excellence.

Altogether now, in your best Bill Walton voice:

“Tracy McGrady is doing things we’ve never seen from anybody – from any planet!”

"Steve Nash is the most unathletic player in the league."

Whenever the refs aren't up to Bill's standards: “Why even have a rulebook?”

On Kobe's offseason weight training: "The added muscle and bulk from pushing that steel and the natural maturation process now enables this grandmaster to regularly accomplish the unimaginable without dragging around excessive bulk and baggage.  Most top players get to the point where they truly believe that anything is possible.  Most are also governed by gravity, the laws of physics and self-regulating mental control mechanisms.  Kobe has left all these behind.  The extra strength and stamina have made him a superior 3-point shooter, a most dominant defender and arguably the game's top rebounder."

On Rasheed Wallace: "He's like a four-armed Dikembe Mutombo around the basket!"

"Throw it down, big man!  Throw it DOWN!"

"Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards."

Exchange between he and Snapper Jones:  “That’s a terrible defensive effort by Robert Horry.  He didn’t even make it difficult for Rasheed Wallace to score.”  Snapper:  “Well, what do you expect?  Earlier you said that Wallace could be one of the best players in the game, and now you want Robert Horry to guard him one-on-one?”  Bill:  “No, I said that Rasheed could be the best player in the game.”

Exchange between he and Tom Hammond:  “John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!”  Tom:  “Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement.  I guess I don’t have a good handle on world history.”  Bill:  “Well Tom, that’s because you didn’t go to UCLA.”

“Patrick Ewing used to be much better in every aspect of the game.”  (After Ewing clanged a free throw, before he had even left the Knicks.)

During a game that didn't even involve the Rockets:  “Yao Ming is the best thing to happen to the NBA in a long time.  He is just a beautiful person inside and out.  The vision, the creativity, the gentleness of spirit … he has it all.”

"Kenyon Martin is the 2nd best player in the Eastern Conference."

When Illinois center Robert Archibald, originally from Scotland, dunked a ball on his son Luke Walton in college: "Did you see that? It must be the Scottish pudding!!"

"Where else but the NBA could people like Bill Russell, Spencer Haywood, Ricky Barry, Dennis Rodman and Allen Iverson come in and be allowed to be who they are?"

"Greg Ostertag is one of the top centers on this planet!"

"But you have to understand, my beard is so nasty. I mean, it's the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good."

“Eric Piatkowski makes perhaps the greatest defensive play in Clipper history!”

During one of his hilarious game-intros:  “Tonight the Spurs look to extend their lead to 3-0 over the Lakers.  This time, however, they will have to do it on the Lakers’ home court.  Duncan and Shaq have been magnificent for both teams, but so far the edge has gone to San Antonio.  However, the real story line that awaits us tonight in Los Angeles is whether or not Kobe Bryant will actually throw a pass!”

"A lot of people understand what not saying anything means, so, in effect, not saying anything is really saying a lot."

Tony Parker makes a pass, which gets deflected out of bounds by an opposing defender.  Spurs ball, no big deal... Walton roars: "Tony Parker just made the worst pass... in the history of Western Civilization!"

“Oh my, Kobe is really putting on a show out there.  He’s making Ray Allen look like a sixth grader!”

On the '72 Lakers: "Way back when, I was a sophomore in college at UCLA when a truly remarkable aggregation of professional talent actually exceeded the hype and hope of a world searching desperately for authenticity."

"I mean, I'm 6-foot-11, I've got red hair, freckles, I'm a goofy, nerdy-looking guy, I've got a speech impediment-I stutter and stammer all the time-and I'm a Deadhead.  I was a skinny, scrawny guy. I stuttered horrendously, couldn't speak at all. I was a very shy, reserved player and a very shy, reserved person. I found a safe place in life in basketball."

"I'm mainstream. Always have been."

On his tour across America for ESPN:  "Well, we've made some changes on this tour. We're no longer sleeping in the parking lots and swimming in the fountains. We've been staying in hotels most of the way, though I will say some hotels have declined to take us because we're just having too much fun."

While distributing free chicken samples during an appearance at McDonald's:  "Thank you for visiting McDonald's and please drive safely ... Sir, don't forget your napkins!"

On The Grateful Dead: "They've been my life."

"What hath God wrought -- Todd MacCulloch has changed his name."

"Manu Ginobli is one of the greats.  Not just of this generation, but of all time."

"Save some for later?  Balderdash, this is the playoffs!"

On Larry Johnson's lackluster performance in the NBA Finals:  "What a pathetic performance by this sad human being.  This is a disgrace to the game of basketball and to the NBA.  He played like a disgrace tonight.  And he deserved it."

More Larry Johnson railing: "Why would the Pacers ever double-team Larry Johnson?  He wants to be double-teamed so he can pass.  Why is Indiana double-teaming a man who only scores 8 points a game?"

"Memo to Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker: Couldn't you wait until at least the All-Star break to have the franchise suffer its worse loss in its storied history?  Bill Russell just called looking for an address to send his 11 championship rings back to the Celtics because he is so disappointed."

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